Years
ago I learned something about myself that I try (sometimes successfully) to
keep in mind. When I talk with someone
about plans they have or what they have done, I tend to focus on how they could
improve it. In my mind, I think I am
suggesting how they can make something good even better. Unfortunately, what they hear is criticism
about what I think went wrong. I’ve
learned that people can hear my comments in the way that I intend if I begin by
telling them what I appreciate about their work. It’s best when I remember that the good
quality of their efforts may not be as obvious to them as it is to me. And I’ve learned that broad comments such as
“You did a great job!” aren’t as meaningful as pointing specifics about what
they did well.
I
realized I still have a lot of work to do on this issue when I met with our
student pastor recently to talk about a sermon he had preached. He did an amazing job in so many ways, and
the congregation members had nothing but good things to say about it. But my brain automatically went to how his
good sermon could have been even better.
I was surprised and saddened when I found out he had been dreading our
conversation for that very reason. I
still have a lot of work to do in this department.
Unfortunately,
I don’t think I’m alone in this endeavor.
Our church’s theme is “Encourage one another and build each other up,”
but too often we discourage one another and tear each other down. I know about comments that I believe people
made with the best of intentions, but stung the recipient. Some of the faithful servants in our church
have confided in me about the criticisms they have received about their work, which
sometimes even led them to question if they should continue in their
labors. I know of others in our
congregation who choose not to get involved in the work of the church for fear
that someone will criticize what they are doing.
Perhaps
sometimes you may believe that a fellow church member is hurting our
congregation by what they are doing. If
so, please put thought into how you can express your concern in a way that
honors the value and worth of that person.
Other
times, you have an idea about how their service in our church could
improve. Your thoughts may be exactly
what we need to hear. When you voice
them, however, please be sure first to tell the person that you appreciate
their efforts, and give specific examples.
Your words will more likely then be heard as an encouraging suggestion,
rather than a discouraging put-down.
God
often speaks to us through the voice of others.
You have the amazing opportunity to remind fellow members of your church
family about the Lord’s great love for them, and the pleasure he finds in what
they in his name, and the devotion they express in their service. Your words of encouragement may be exactly
what a struggling brother or sister needs to hear.
