Four Levels of Relationships

As Jesus shared the Last Supper with his disciples, he prayed that everyone who believes in him would be “brought to complete unity,” as the NIV translates it.  A better rendering of the Greek might be “so that they might be completed or perfected as one.”  However you word it, Jesus wants his followers to be united.  In fact, our faith and discipleship will be lacking until we reach that point of unity.  Of course, our unity is based on the saving work of Christ, and not upon our own feeble human efforts to try to get along with each other.  And yet, the Church is (and always has been) a collection of people who bicker, disagree, and sometimes even attack each other.  The perfect unity that Christ wants for us is far from complete.

I’ve recently read an article that describes four levels of relationship that people can have with each other.

1. REJECTION is the denial of any relationship at all.  We believe that the differences between us are so great that we have nothing to do with each other.  The barriers that separate us make it impossible for us to find anything in common with each other.

2. TOLERANCE means that we’re willing to put up with each other.  We’ll make space for others to “do their thing,” but that’s about it.  We won’t harm each other, but we won’t help each other either.  It’s the kind of relationship where you hold the other person at arm’s length and never really trust them or feel comfortable around them.

3. ACCEPTANCE is a big step toward the kind of relationship Christ wants among his disciples.  It means that we recognize one another and acknowledge each other’s value as a child of God.  We are willing to listen and learn from each other.  But it is still not the relationship that Christ truly desires; acceptance does not complete our oneness.

4. NURTURE goes beyond accepting and receiving from the other person.  In this final level of relationship, we actively seek out the other person.  A nurturing spirit drives us to cross the lines that lead others to rejection or mere tolerance, in order to share, serve, and sacrifice.  When we nurture another person, we defend them against attacks and abuse that others may direct at them, especially when the attackers are people who look and believe like us.

I invite you to reflect on the relationships in your life.  In particular, think about how you relate with others who are also followers of Christ, or who claim to be followers of Christ.  How do you relate to them?

• Do you reject them, and deny that you share a faith with them?
• Do you tolerate them, and put up with differences that trouble you?
• Do you accept them, and recognize that they are also part of God’s family and plan for the world?
  Do you nurture them, and seek to open your life to them in service and love?