Helpful Suggestion or Harmful Criticism?

Years ago I learned something about myself that I try (sometimes successfully) to keep in mind.  When I talk with someone about plans they have or what they have done, I tend to focus on how they could improve it.  In my mind, I think I am suggesting how they can make something good even better.  Unfortunately, what they hear is criticism about what I think went wrong.  I’ve learned that people can hear my comments in the way that I intend if I begin by telling them what I appreciate about their work.  It’s best when I remember that the good quality of their efforts may not be as obvious to them as it is to me.  And I’ve learned that broad comments such as “You did a great job!” aren’t as meaningful as pointing specifics about what they did well.

I realized I still have a lot of work to do on this issue when I met with our student pastor recently to talk about a sermon he had preached.  He did an amazing job in so many ways, and the congregation members had nothing but good things to say about it.  But my brain automatically went to how his good sermon could have been even better.  I was surprised and saddened when I found out he had been dreading our conversation for that very reason.  I still have a lot of work to do in this department.

Unfortunately, I don’t think I’m alone in this endeavor.  Our church’s theme is “Encourage one another and build each other up,” but too often we discourage one another and tear each other down.  I know about comments that I believe people made with the best of intentions, but stung the recipient.  Some of the faithful servants in our church have confided in me about the criticisms they have received about their work, which sometimes even led them to question if they should continue in their labors.  I know of others in our congregation who choose not to get involved in the work of the church for fear that someone will criticize what they are doing.

Perhaps sometimes you may believe that a fellow church member is hurting our congregation by what they are doing.  If so, please put thought into how you can express your concern in a way that honors the value and worth of that person.

Other times, you have an idea about how their service in our church could improve.  Your thoughts may be exactly what we need to hear.  When you voice them, however, please be sure first to tell the person that you appreciate their efforts, and give specific examples.  Your words will more likely then be heard as an encouraging suggestion, rather than a discouraging put-down.

God often speaks to us through the voice of others.  You have the amazing opportunity to remind fellow members of your church family about the Lord’s great love for them, and the pleasure he finds in what they in his name, and the devotion they express in their service.  Your words of encouragement may be exactly what a struggling brother or sister needs to hear.