Four Levels of Relationships

As Jesus shared the Last Supper with his disciples, he prayed that everyone who believes in him would be “brought to complete unity,” as the NIV translates it.  A better rendering of the Greek might be “so that they might be completed or perfected as one.”  However you word it, Jesus wants his followers to be united.  In fact, our faith and discipleship will be lacking until we reach that point of unity.  Of course, our unity is based on the saving work of Christ, and not upon our own feeble human efforts to try to get along with each other.  And yet, the Church is (and always has been) a collection of people who bicker, disagree, and sometimes even attack each other.  The perfect unity that Christ wants for us is far from complete.

I’ve recently read an article that describes four levels of relationship that people can have with each other.

1. REJECTION is the denial of any relationship at all.  We believe that the differences between us are so great that we have nothing to do with each other.  The barriers that separate us make it impossible for us to find anything in common with each other.

2. TOLERANCE means that we’re willing to put up with each other.  We’ll make space for others to “do their thing,” but that’s about it.  We won’t harm each other, but we won’t help each other either.  It’s the kind of relationship where you hold the other person at arm’s length and never really trust them or feel comfortable around them.

3. ACCEPTANCE is a big step toward the kind of relationship Christ wants among his disciples.  It means that we recognize one another and acknowledge each other’s value as a child of God.  We are willing to listen and learn from each other.  But it is still not the relationship that Christ truly desires; acceptance does not complete our oneness.

4. NURTURE goes beyond accepting and receiving from the other person.  In this final level of relationship, we actively seek out the other person.  A nurturing spirit drives us to cross the lines that lead others to rejection or mere tolerance, in order to share, serve, and sacrifice.  When we nurture another person, we defend them against attacks and abuse that others may direct at them, especially when the attackers are people who look and believe like us.

I invite you to reflect on the relationships in your life.  In particular, think about how you relate with others who are also followers of Christ, or who claim to be followers of Christ.  How do you relate to them?

• Do you reject them, and deny that you share a faith with them?
• Do you tolerate them, and put up with differences that trouble you?
• Do you accept them, and recognize that they are also part of God’s family and plan for the world?
  Do you nurture them, and seek to open your life to them in service and love?

Being a Faithful Member

If you are a member of Old Union Church, you took a vow to be “a faithful member of this congregation, giving of yourself in every way.”  The Presbyterian Church’s constitution explains that this vow includes “taking part in the common life and worship of a congregation.”  Are you living up to your promise?

First, are you taking part in worship at Old Union?  Like just about every other church, we’re happy if half of our members join us on Sunday morning.  Of course, other commitments and issues occasionally keep us from worship.  But where else would it be acceptable for only half the people to fulfill their promise?  Would your bank be content if only half their customers made their agreed-upon mortgage payments?  For some bizarre reason, we take our commitment to financial institutions more seriously than the ones we’ve made to the Lord of the cosmos who died for our salvation.

“Taking part in worship” means more than merely showing up physically.  It means that you come to church on Sunday prepared to get down to business.  Even before the service begins, you focus your heart and spirit upon the task ahead of you.  During worship you actively seek to be aware of the Spirit’s presence among us.  As we read and reflect upon Scripture, you open yourself to the ways that God wants to touch and change your life.  Through our hymns, prayers, and offerings, you present your entire being to the God we love.

Second, are you taking part in the life of Old Union Church?  Worship is the first and most important part of our church’s life, but it is only the starting point.  There is so much that happens, or could happen, in our church outside of the Sunday 11:00 hour.  If you are only coming to church for worship, then either someone else is carrying the responsibility for our church’s life that God has in mind for you, or our congregation is not doing everything that God wants us to do.

God’s desire for our role in his plans for our church is constantly changing.  Over time, the most faithful thing for you to do may mean stepping back from a responsibility you’ve had and making room for another person to fill that niche.  God’s will is dynamic and constantly changing.  However, when you move out of one role, it is so that you can move into a new one.  If you say that you’ve “taken your turn” doing something at the church, it means that now it’s your turn to do something else.

We live in a society that encourages us to think of ourselves as consumers.  It’s up to someone else to make things happen for us, so that we can sit back and enjoy it.  Whether it’s sports, movies, or even keeping the roads clear, we expect there to be someone to handle it…someone other than us.  The church is different.  God loves us enough that he wants each of us to take part in the wonderful things that he is doing.  If you’re not sure how God wants you to fit in, just tell him that you want to.  It won’t take long for him to show you.