Can I Come to Your Church?

“Can I come to your church? I’m gay.”

No one’s ever asked me that question.  Maybe it’s because churches in general have a reputation for being less than welcoming to homosexuals.  Maybe it’s because they’ve heard comments from congregation members which give the clear message that there’s no place for gays in our church.

Our church prides itself in being a caring, supportive family of faith that welcomes and includes everyone.  As someone once said to me, “We take in strays.”  But are there some “strays” that we turn away?  Are we failing to live up to our calling and identity?

Some people in our congregation believe that homosexuality is a sin, perhaps worse than most other sins.  Others in our church think that sexual orientation doesn’t make any difference.  Whatever you believe, I hope we’d all agree that it’s not easy to be gay in our society.  It’s a burden.  And Scripture tells us to carry each other’s burdens (Galatians 6:2).  When we turn a cold shoulder to someone who is gay, we block ourselves from being able to accompany them as they seek to be faithful to God in circumstances that those of us who are straight can only imagine.  We force them to carry their burden in secret, afraid of how we might respond to them.  The devil loves secrets; when we keep our struggles in the shadows, he can use them to torture us and block path for us to experience Christ’s grace.

We churches are not doing a very good job of letting gays know that there is a place for them in God’s family.  A recent survey of 910 homosexuals in western Pennsylvania, conducted by Pitt’s Graduate School of Public Health, reveals that 75% of them have heard negative comments about homosexuals in their congregations.  Only 5% believe that their church would respond positively if they “came out,” while 80% believe they would face a negative reaction.

I’ve heard many well-intentioned people say that we should “hate the sin, not the sinner.”  The words that jump out in that statement are “hate” and “sinner:” certainly not words of welcome and invitation!  While it may not be as catchy, it’s more Christ-like to say, “We love you.  We will work together with you to discover God’s grace.”  During his earthly ministry, Jesus spent a lot of time with the notorious sinners of the day, like tax collectors and prostitutes.  I can’t picture Jesus saying to them, “I hate your sin, not you.”  Rather, I believe he looked at them as individuals, as people he loved deeply.  As he shared his love with them, they were able to discover ways in which he could take their shame and misery, and work a new thing in their lives.  As the church, we are the community of Jesus Christ.  It’s up to us to live up to whom we say that we are.

“Can I come to your church? I’m gay.”  If someone asks you that question, I hope you’ll answer, “You are a child of God, and deeply loved.  Welcome!”